Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
