I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
