So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
