Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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