STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
