my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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