FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
