My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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