You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
