Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
