K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
