Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
