I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
