can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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