mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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