end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
