All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
