I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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