You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
