Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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