When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
