He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
