He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
