And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
