I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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