you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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