her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
