How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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