You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
