You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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