the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
