May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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