Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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