My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
