what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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