dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
