closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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