how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
