dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
