you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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