You made me cry and you don't even care
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
