At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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