I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
