I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
