I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
