worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize