The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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