Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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