So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
