What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize