he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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