Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
