I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
