I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
