Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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