So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
