Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
