HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
