i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
