Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
