non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
