I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do herpes really smell.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
