Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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