Girls should come with a carfax report
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
