I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
