i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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