I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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