Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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