last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
