My underwear smells like fireworks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
