he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
