hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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