Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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