So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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